|Getting something of my chest
||[Jun. 16th, 2007|09:57 pm]
Bad Ass Dads
I would usually post this on my journal, but this is about my wife and I don't want to hurt her feelings. If you want to post a comment go ahead, but the sole reason for this is to get it off my chest because it's been tearing at me all night|
Today we had a early Father's dayso that my wife and I could have it together without the rest of the family. I already seen my wrapped gift because it was over at my in-laws house today and I did the laundry over there and my wife knew I was going to see it. When my wife came home from work she brought it will. It was a big present so I was thinking that it was a bicycle stand so I could cycle at home. When she gave it to me she ask me what I thought it was. Knowing this was a relationship trap I pleaded with her that I didn't want to say. Finally she got me to say it and I opened my present. I unwrapped it on the packing info side and all I saw was bicycle unlimited and I said "Awesome you got it for me." Then she told me to look on the other side. It was a baby trailer that attaches to the bicycle. I was so disappointed that all I thought was that it was for the baby so I blurted out," Oh, it's for Adeline." Now usually with gifts I'm not excited about I can usually fake it. This was a different situation; this was my first Father's day. So of course she starts crying saying she will take it back and of course I consul her saying that I like the gift. I settle her down and leave to pick up something at the restaurant that they didn't give my wife. On the way to the restaurant on back it kept eating at me, because I gave her gift that she hinted to me about three months prior and it surprised her and she wears it everyday. I hint to her 100 things and pretty much she gets me something for the baby. A lot of things irritate me about the whole situation. Now I know some of you are saying that I should get use to it. Well, I will understand the weird gifts my kid will get me when she gets older, but when wife misses the mark by a long shot on the first one it kinda gets to me.
I think you missed the point. This was a gift for Father's Day, and she knew you really liked to cycle. So she thought it would be a good gift that would allow you to actually get out and cycle with the baby.
It's quite likely she thought about the whole idea of you cycling at home and thought, "Well, it's too bad he can't get out more to cycle and that he's looking to this stand that will allow him to do so at home. What if he had something that would allow him to keep cycling?"
Now I understand if it's not something you really want, but really, it seems to me like there's a good chance she thought this would be even better than what you wanted and was trying to surprise you. Even if she erred, you have to think that the reasoning makes sense and realize that she was trying to go above and beyond for you; it's probably also why she was so terribly disappointed. That desire to surpass your expectations is something really special in a spouse and something to be treasured.
It's not a matter of getting used to something substandard, but understanding that she really wanted to make you happy.
It's a gift for you to spend time with your child doing an activity you love and that she can do with you.
Maybe I'm totally biased because a bike trailer is on the list of things I am getting for me to enjoy with my baby, but I would be tickled pink.
Is the baby born yet? If this is your first father's day, what could possibly be more appropriate than a way for you to spend time with your kidlet? Although, I suppose you could use the bicyle stand and maybe put her on your back or something, but isn't it more fun outside?
Seconded. She went a little outside of the box, and imho, she did so in a very good way. Appreciate a creative and loving wife, and strap your baby in for a wonderful ride in the outdoors. Some of my best childhood memories are riding in a bike carrier with my parents.
See, this is why I have an Amazon wish list. I make it very clear prior to any gift giving holiday that I have it too. I'm also blessed with a very pragmatic wife. This father's day she asked me point blank what I wanted. I replied very easily that I wanted the Babylon 5 third season DVDs. She said, OK, but wouldn't I also like a smoker in addition (she's a chef who's been pining for one)?
Truth be told, I never thought about a getting a smoker. But I certainly see the advantage in having one.
I feel ya, man. I'm not crazy about this holiday because I don't think we need more Hallmark Holidays, but if it's gotta exist, I don't think it's too much to ask for the gifts to be about us as dads, and it's certainly not too much to ask that your wife knows the difference.
You might want to talk with her about it, tell her that yeah, you were disappointed, and here's why. It's not her fault - it's not about fault, it's about your needs and your expectations conflicting with hers, and that's a fixable problem.